Friday, May 30, 2008

The Bodyguard Movie Review

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

The Bodyguard...The Movie Review
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

Do to sheer demand from people wanting to get far, far deeper into the 'Whitney vs. Celine' arguement, (if you can call it has been pretty much determined, Whitney wins, hands down) I took the liberty of rewatching, for the first time since it came out, The Bodyguard, starring Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner. The following consists of my random observations.
1. The movie was WAAAAY worse than I remember it. It freaked me out. When it came out, it wasn't like I was in love with it, but I recall thinking, "Well, that wasn't too bad." Now, I watched it realizing, it was just plain bad, bad, bad.
2. Still, as real as that last statement, was, and while this can only sound mean, it is still true: Celine replacing Whitney in that movie would have made it 100 times worse.
3. I've seen and experienced women cussing, and to me, that happens in life, and I am ashamed of myself at how chauvinistic this sounds, but hearing Whitney Houston drop the 'F-bomb' repeatedly does not sit well with me. I couldn't take it. She dropped quite a few SH bombs as well, but it so did not fit my image of Whitney, whatever that is, and it horrified me. That is not fair, but that is the way that it is.
4. The 'unintentional comedy scale' is ran off the charts during the movie seeing Whitney's progression of attraction to Kevin Costner.
5. At the boxoffice, the movie was somewhat successful as I recall, and no offense, but it is easy to see how Whitney didn't get recast again...literally, her voice and music totally overshadowed that, and thus, I am assuming, drew the box office. Even a diehard Costner fan, if they are out there, couldn't be too up on this role for him.
6. What really messed me up is how I remember the movie to how it really was: I recall they never really admitted feelings for one another, then at the end, they get off the plain, and they smooch it all out...and it is 'super romantic-like.' In reality, like, 15 or 20 minutes in, they sleep together on a sudden urge after she points a really sharp Japanese sword at him and he uses it to destroy her expensive silk scarf at his trashy bachelor pad. And it happens kind of all the sudden. Ya. Right. That just destroyed the movie for me. Nowhere in anyone's wildest thoughts could Kevin Costner hook up with Whitney Houston so fast, without having dated or anything, and without even trying to 'win her over' in the least bit. I mean, seriously. From that point on, I felt really ill about my decision to review this film again...and we are at minute 15 in the movie or so...
7. I am not a big romance movie fan anyway, but for the love of God, there was no reason given that either one of them should even like each other, much less hook up. Please.

In summary, this actually further strengthens my rock solid opinion that Whitney is a much, much stronger female singer to be a fan of over the comparatively inferior work of Celine Dion. To me, with Whitney in top singing form yet downgraded by a horrid script and poor acting technique, she still seems lightyears ahead of Celine, and one could only have bad thougts when pondering Celine trying to fufill the same role with an open mind.
Still, fortunately for me, I will never, ever have to review The Bodyguard again in my life. I strongly encourage and exhort all of you not to rent the will lose money and time you can never regain, and if the music beckons you, all the videos are on youtube anyways.

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