It is really tough waiting.
But, knowing I have to be open, I need to press in more on what God is waiting on for me!
Unlike me, it seems God is not too moved by having to have certain things done by certain calendar dates, or what I, in my humanity, define as a life stage. For instance, currently a sparkling 31 years old, career-wise, there are some thing not going on right now that I would like to happen.
I believe an ignorant view, but the one I too often meditate on, is that God seemingly doesn't care about it, or at best, is indifferent to those feelings I have.
But I have been trying, sometimes successfully, and sometimes not, to press into the fact that God wants to bless me. I believe that there is a job out there that can thrill me and be designed made in such a way, that it helps me worship and bring glory to Him, in that it complements me as a person and the way I am made to function.
I just have no stinking clue what kind of job/career that would be.
I still have a dream...I want to own a truckstop one day. It excites me to no end. I marvel at the life of a trucker, a man or a woman who spends so much time alone, working hard, and usually, eating a crappy diet. (Oh, I have done too many cross country drives to want to imagine what it feels like to live ALL THE TIME on the diet I consumed while traversing the Eisenhower Interstate System.) All so that we can get what we want at Walmart or Winn-Dixie that day. I want to own an oasis for these awesome people, and my heart leaps at the honor I could someday have to serve them, and create a place of rest for them overnight, or maybe just for a few minutes as they fuel up and stretch their legs.
So, why don't I go work at a truckstop now?
Well, I want to own one someday. Working for one could teach me how to run one, but, unless I ended up in the right situation, I wouldn't exactly gain a whole lot of capital to reach my goal, which is critical. So, I am looking to get in sales, not only because that leads towards more of the skills I need to develop to own/run such a place, but also, I can generate more money to invest towards the end of getting a truckstop.
But what sales job?
I don't know...I apply, and apply, and apply. I grow weary of my job that has been a huge blessing to me, a restaurant where I work. I was a finalist for a job with a seemingly good company, but after making the final 10, didn't make the final 4, which was the number hired.
I figure that was not the place for me! (Because they sure figured it!) God knows.
Tomorrow, I have to do the only thing I know to do at this point. Go out. Get honest with God. Let him 'speak' to me. While I am not trying to witchhunt failures in my life, I do want to determine if there are actions/mindsets in my life holding me back from the wonderful actions and mindsets He has in store for me.
Fellowshipping with my brothers and sisters last week, it was amazing as the theme came up repeatedly, 'rest.' Now, I am so tempted to make that be, 'Stop applying for jobs, sit there, and God will drop one in my lap.' I am not so sure that is what I am supposed to do right now though...but I am struggling to find the meaning of 'rest' in the midst of a job 'search.' I have a ways to go...